Definition of Gibberish on the Web :The common theme in gibberish statements is a lack of literal sense, which can also be described as a presence of nonsense...
Ha, so thats what this blog is about..incoherent thoughts put together in an orderly manner.. hope u like it..looking forward to ur comments..
Every good thing has to come to an end..and so, the curtains have fallen on our dear old “spelling”.
Rust in peas!!! :)
Just have a look around you, at all the sign boards and posters . A tactics that even Father of our nation could not devise, a strategy successfully plotted and implemented by the Billboard writers of our country, an eternal insult to the colonial rulers - pollute their language systematically. As masters of adulteration, the craze of developing HINGLISH has caught everyone’s imagination , especially the SMS babies!! The adulteration wing has many schools of thought: 1. Omit vowels. This helps to save space and at the same time conveys the message perfectly well.
2.Add extra vowels: This may have the effect of better emphasis.
(No entery. Rhymes with-Mesentery, dysentery)
3.Substitute the normal, logical letter with its closest relative: Helps to grab attention, a trick often used in our Hotel Menu cards.
4. Omit certain letters to make your product appear more appealing, a trick successfully used below:
(Now that’s what I call canned food!!!)
5. Make up your own words, and make it appear very normal.
(Undunating???!!!)
6. The best trick of all- Do Gibberish! Just write what you feel like and don’t even attempt to hide it!!
(I just love his creativity..Be aware of him!!!!)What a name and caption!!!
So, adios spelling. Adios normal, simple English. A request to our Bill board writers. Please cooperate with us. Or is it COORDINATE?
Just read this diary entery(wow, the new style is catching up!!):
He raised his head (in slow motion)..sweat dripped from his brow on to the dusty ground..(in slow motion)..He must have spotted an opening in the wall, cause there was a smile inhis lips..(in slow motion)..Time to die Henman, he thought..(Henman-the goalie)..his foot sweeps down majestically..(sorry, but in slow motion)..
Whoosh…………………………………………………..…………….
He dreamt of cheers all around..the ball brushing Henman’s fingertips..gracefully gliding to the top corner….
Reality- Groans from every where..Henman doesn’t even bother to look up, continues picking up stones of various sizes and shape from the ground, pursuing his rare hobby…
“OK Kuruvi..go fetch it..” commanded Jebi..
Kuruvi was still in his dream..he was being hugged by Jebi for winning the game in Injury time…
Injury time..
Jebi was violently shaking kuruvi who was rooted to the spot. “Go get the ball idiot..or youll have a sore butt..now!!”
It took a moment for Kuruvi to face the reality..a reality that by now had become the order of the day.Kuruviwas a destroyer from dead ball situations..balls were lost at the rate of knots..into the woods..into our unlucky neighbours bedroom..No one knew why he always stepped up for the free kicks..but the lemonade in his bag was good, so no one complained..But Jebi was an exception..A perfectionist, his hands knew all the spots where blood would leak in an instant, a handy knowledge that dint requirehim to bear Kuruvi’s ‘greater than thou’ air..he had direct access to the lemonade!!
Initial damage assessment : scouting report by JK Unni and TP (both with a receeding hairline, which has no relevance here, yet could not stop not mentioning it!!!)) revealed 2 casualties..Two hens were knocked out cold in the neighbours house, the direction acquired by extrapolating the path of the meteoric kick..that brought the poultry casualty list to 5 for the week..at this rate, we would soon have to be veggies..good for Conda..
“ok..2 dead chicks..and a lost football..”,commentedChatti . “I’ll get the chicks..you get the ball” he added..(Chatti was a master with the art of reviving ‘chicks’..resucitation was his best tool..hmm..)
Kuruvi decided to take the neighbor head on..afterall, he was the one who had the lemonade..
“Madam, did you see our football? It accidently rolled over here”. Kuruvi politely spoke.
“Huh? What ball? I no see ball. But you nasty boys killed my chicken yesterday..i complaint to principal about you nasty boys if one more of my chicken dies..” bellowed the lady.
In his peripheral vision, Kuruvi saw Chatti rushing out with bulging pockets and two chicken heads projecting from them outside..So,the resuscitation failed..
“What chicken madam? I have no idea..”, tried Kuruvi, feigning ignorance,while his mind was starting to panic..
“We poor people..you kill my chickens, no eggs for me…understand?”
“I have good lemonade in my bag.i could give you some, probably..” said Kuruvi trying to express his sympathy over the recent poultry killing..
“Lemonh no good..Chicken eggs give money..”, she continued..
Meanwhile, others had slowly entered the field, as if it was the most natural thing to do, trying not to be too visible to the lady,yet frantically searching for the lost ball.. It was almost time for the next class..the ball had to be found, or it was jogging behind the PT sir, who had a stamina value of thousand raised to infinity(how much ever that is..)
“Would you mind if I looked around”, asked Kuruvi, a question that had no relevance as the entire team was in the field, ofcourse, unobtrusively searching for the ball..
“Just leave my chickens alone..”, the lady replied retreating to her home.
“Man, it’s a football..itjust cant disappear”, concluded Porottaeesh”
“Secure the entire area..scan the area completely..give me a list of possible places..”, ordered Jebi.
“The vegetable field?...”
“Check..even uprooted some..no ball down there..”, replied JK Unni-TP team..
“The backyard?”
“Check…nothing there other than few tubs full of water..drained and checked..negative..”
“Good..where else??”, Jebi enquired..
“The chicken coop?”, Kuruvi suddenly asked..
“Lets go check there..atleast your head functions occasionally Kuruvi..”, rhetorted Jebi..
Soon the coop was raided..hens ran out,their short stint with freedom..soon, the entire coop was cleared, except for one unlucky victim of poultry stampede(toll:6 for the day) and another huge hen, which remained unmoved to all the commotion.
“Man, look at it..its sitting on a huge egg..”, observed Porotaeesh
“Must be the King Hen..”, suggested Kuruvi
“QUEEN HEN..”, corrected Chatti, who had recently returned back from the burial..
“What a huge Egg?? Ostrich?”,pondered Porottaeesh
Thats when it hit Golapan( a character who was there throughout the story, but the introvert type who doesn speak much)…
“That’s no egg. Thats our football..”, declared Golapan
Tears of joy and relief poured out of Kuruvi’s eyes..the hunt was over..now, he could finally have his lemonade..
“Umm..possible difficulty in acquiring target assessed”, reported JKUnni-TP team
“ok ok..I’ll get the ball..”, Jebi volunteered..the time for a hero had arised..
“umm.Queen chicken, would you mind giving our ball back..”, tried Jebi..
SYNTAX ERROR..NO DONUT FOR YOU.. The hen remained motionless..
“Dumb hen”..shouted Jebi, kicking the coop with all his energy, a move that had two consequence..
1.Jebi cut his leg
2.The hen startled, took to the air..one of those rare instances
The ball rolled out.Jebi held it high and gave the war cry..The sound of a predator with his prize kill..
Within minutes, the entire team left the field, which by now was a scene of disaster.
The possibility that the neighbor might hold them responsible for destruction of property and loss of her livelyhood did not even occur to them..
The possibility that by now physics class would have been halfway through ,with only girls in the class did not bother them..
Jebi did not even notice he had a cut on his leg,a nasty one that was bleeding profusely…
"SO, WHAT WERE YOUR OBSERVATIONS??", the question boomed through the other end of the phone..
"Sir…that sir…"
"What 'Sir and that sir' and all?? The Environment minister Mr.Nutcase Ramesh is breathing down my neck, demanding me to submit a report on the effects of Solar eclipse on the wildlife and what am I gonna reply, eh?? I need your observations...So what happened??"
"Sir..that sir…"
"See Mr.Sembulingam, you had received my orders to do a survey on the same..and now you say, you did nothing??"
"Sir, we have captive animals here..I kind of observed them the whole day.."
"Ah! Good!! Captive animals eh?? How did the Tigers, Elephants and Rhinos react to the eclipse?"
"Um..Sir, we do not have them…."
"Hippos, Girraffes?"
"Not quitely, sir….."
"Then what do you have captive?"
"sir, a Venomous spider, a biting Parakeet and Bichu."
"And what in God's name might be 'Bichu'?"
"oh! Bichu is my pet fish in the aquarium."
"Mr.SEMBU, ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME??? AND YOU OBSERVED THESE THINGS THE ENTIRE DAY???"
"No sir, no offence meant..But, yes, I was dedicated to this work the whole day..and I have come to a unique conclusion.."
"Now you are talking Sembu!!Good Job!! And what did you conclude?"
"Sir, the Spider as always, hid itself beneath a log from the sun 2 hours before the eclipse. Half an hour into the eclipse, it continued in the same position it had assumed earlier, and in the peak of the eclipse….."
"Yes, at the peak??"
"It still remained in the same position as before!!"
"WHAT???"
"Yes sir, so I concluded that the eclipse had no effect on the spider.."
"But that won't do….."
Sir, alas, that is the truth.."
"No, you could have missed something..Something unusual has to happen..You sure Sembu?"
"Maybe it might be due to the partial eclipse here, sir, but the Spider, the Parakeet, why, even Bichu led its normal life…The flowers bloomed as usual, bees flew and birds chirped…All was normal."
"Um..So without anything unusual, what do I report to Mr.Nutcase?? He would boil my brains and eat my head!!"
"Sir, there was another observation..the eclipse did affect one group however.."
"Who? The Ginearhinus momos?"
"No sir…Homo sapiens..us sir.."
"How?"
"Sir, it was only a partial eclipse, yet I had to grant leave for most of my staff. The servant would not come at home, wife would not cook food, hell, the soothsayers all boasted how truly their prediction on the end of the universe was finally gonna be fulfilled…"
"Um..Even I was on leave, Sembu…"
"Sir, then this is my observation sir..Solar eclipse, be it partial, total or even quarter if there is any, brings about a kind of social reclusiveness and burrowing habits in humans, who hide deep in their dens and fear to come out, to even eat on the day..while all other creatures freely lead a normal day, Humans hole themselves on the day……Clearly, the eclipse has induced a psychotic neuropathy in humans sir…."
